We aren’t born excellent communicators – we become them.
Whether you need help learning how to lead your staff effectively in order to improve their annual sales or simply find yourself in argument after argument without much personal success, there’s hope and success in your future. When you have a strong vision for what you want your communication to be, you can transform how you listen and what and how you communicate your message to others.
The term ‘constructive communication’ is for many of us, a nice idea in theory. However, when it comes down to a heated argument with a spouse or co-worker, the reality can prove to be much different. “He said, she said” is likely to result in a highly emotional defensive attack, and the problem with our emotions is that they are highly reactive, irrational and are out to protect our ego at all costs. Stop your impulsive reactions to conflict by using these fool proof tips, advice and tactics. Once you begin using them, you’ll always have the upper hand in any discussion, debate or disagreement.
Focus on the areas you agree on, instead of what you don’t agree on
Imagine a conversation where the first thing you hear is that you are wrong – how do you feel? Most people react by going on the defensive, in an effort to prove they are right. Now imagine a conversation where you start with points you agree on – often times there are far many more things you agree about and only a couple of points of contention. When you focus on the areas of agreement both parties can feel like partners This becomes a far less adversarial discussion, and helps both parties to feel as though we are part of the solution rather than a part of the problem
Speak in “I” Messages Instead of Blameful Language
Expect to cause a defensive reaction from the other party when you use the word ‘You’ instead of ‘I feel”. By describing how a co-worker’s comment made you feel “I felt that when you said…” instead of acting accusatory such as “You did this or that”, you’re more likely to come to a resolution.
Repeat What You’ve Heard Them Say
Nothing can cause a heated argument to escalate like being unclear about what the other person is saying to you. That’s why repeating comments throughout a discussion is vital, so that everyone can be on the same page and with the opportunity to clear up miscommunications then and there.
Pay Attention to Body Language and What’s Said
Prepare yourself for the other person’s reactions by observing body language. If there voice is fluctuating in tone (getting louder for example) and they are using strong, chaotic hand gestures, stay calm and respond by sitting back and talking in soft tones while maintaining a sense of control.
Improve Your Communication With Eye Contact Remember communication is demonstrated through your eye contact as much as through your words. By exhibiting confidence through consistent eye contact, you’ll stay in control better, for longer time periods and can increase the other person’s ability to be calm and in control as well.
Use Their Name During Conversation
When you keep the conversation focused and personal, you’ll have less of a chance to lose control. Remember who you’re talking to by addressing them by name, and the issue at hand.
Afraid that your own communication tactics aren’t getting you very far on your own? Invest some time in Eric Bailey’s approach for generating the right attitude, and become an unstoppable communicator in any and all of life’s situations.