In our lives, we all have experienced that toxic friendship, that ex that is hard to forget but necessary. How about that family member that is always causing drama and not bringing anything good to your life? We have all being there, done that. However, the complexity of moving on from the situation is real and not easy.
When you need to step down and remove yourself from a toxic relationship, you need to be strong. Nothing can hold you back but yourself. Some relationships are a vicious cycle. You sometimes find yourself in situations that happen over and over, and it is hard to break that cycle.
Move on from someone takes time. And it is ok. The healing process can take as long as you need. What is important is to break the cycle, move on to move forward. A 2009 study found that divorcees take, on average, 17 months and 26 days to get over their splits.
Why Let Go Is So Hard?
Breaking a vicious cycle to move to the unknown is scary. It is not easy to find the energy and the courage to stop and start all over.
As humans, we tend to fantasize about situations, hold on to old memories, and sometimes live in a fantasy land that is not true. In fact, it is harmful, but you cannot accept it. You are not ready to let go.
1) Leave Lala land behind and recognize the inconvenient truth
I don’t want to sound harsh here, but the truth is: you need to recognize the relationship is not working and accept that it is time to let go and move on. It is essential to recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship. This is the initial stage to move on from someone to move forward.
2) Cut off contact or limit to the minimum when necessary
Set off limits with your ex, with that inconvenient family member. You don’t need to keep them hanging in your life. You don’t want that. Instead, be your own best friend, love yourself and recognize that you are the only one that can make you feel good. You don’t need validation from others.
3) Feel your emotions
Cry, be angry, be sad, be mad, cry again. Feel all the emotions and live entirely all the stages of grief:
- Denial – when you are unable to comprehend the loss, the fail.
- Bargaining – when you try to fix or change the outcome.
- Anger – when you feel the anger of why the relationship didn’t last.
- Sadness – when you feel the loss and regret of the past.
- Acceptance – when you have experienced each stage long enough to accept the end result.
4) Make peace with your past
Be gentle with yourself. Healing is a process, not a destination. You don’t need to feel that you fail just because that relationship did not work. Instead, make peace with your past and understand that all that was necessary and important. You are the person you are today because of your experiences, hurdles, and wins from your past.
5) Move Forward
It is time to love yourself again and move forward. You are ready. That person is no longer part of your life. Make plans and fulfill your life with people and moments that are worth living with. Be happy again.
The Bottom Line
We all need to have relationships in our lives. Friends, family, a love partner, you name it. However, these relationships must be a healthy exchange of energy and good feelings. We don’t need to accept unhealthy and harmful relationships.
Remember that breakups are not the end of the world. It is only the beginning of something new, and it is possible that this new reality can be happier than before.
Written with the 2021 Olympics and Post Covid-19 in mind, Eric Bailey does share not only his personal stories but also his strategies and tools to help us all thrive in our lives, Going for Gold. Click on the link for your playbook to win the Gold…And Live Yout Personal Best.