We are rapidly approaching R U OK Day? Thursday Sept 12, 2019 is our national day of action dedicated to reminding everyone to ask, “Are you OK?” and to remember every day of the year to support people who may be struggling with life’s ups and downs. As a Brisbane Motivational Speaker I’ve been asked to share my message of hope, resilience and compassion to quite a few schools and organizations in Queensland this week!
As a Brisbane Keynote speaker I realize that life is filled with emotional bumps, bruises, illnesses, and strains. We all from time to time suffer the injury and illness of emotional distress. But I believe we have the bones to recover from the poison of guilt and overcome other common deficiencies of our emotion repair system.
For this article I would like to alert you to 3 main causes of the feelings of inadequacy that I have researched and experienced myself. And how the R U Ok? movement can open the doors for self reflection and additional professional assistance.
I know what this feels like first hand as I was abandoned by my biological parents as a child. Whether a friend stops returning your calls, there is a relationship breakup, someone unfriends you on Facebook, or your work peeps dis you, even if unintentionally, it hurts. You may become angry at them, yourself, or the world in general. Even if the rejection is a slight one, it can be enough to cause you to question your self-worth. Well my research has lead me to consider the following actionable steps. Don’t accept self-criticism, rebuild your self-worth by focusing on your strengths, find other people to fill the void, and desensitize yourself to the pain of future rejection through practice bouts in which you set yourself up for mild rejections that you can readily overcome.
The best place to during these periods of mental distress is not in bed. I’m not suggesting hanging out at the local pub. But just in an environment of peace and natural light.
The longer you go without relating closely to others, the more difficult it becomes to reestablish contact with new people, or even get back in touch with the old friends you’ve drifted away from. If you’re convinced that no one could ever love or care about you, try to fight that pessimism with some logical counter-arguments. Here is one. No one can love you the way you want or need until they can find the love and self worth for themselves.(It ain’t personal) That pessimism might include believing that others are always thinking negatively about you. Here again, try some logic to counter your skepticism by questioning your own negative assumptions. A variant of this skepticism is the tendency to engage in self-defeating behaviors that serve, ironically, to confirm your worst suspicions. Exercising your empathy can also strengthen your relationship muscles, making it more likely that those you care about will want to be close to you. One relatively easy strategy, though it requires some commitment, is to adopt a pet on whom you can practice getting and giving emotional rewards. Over thinking is counter productive.
3. Low self-esteem
There is a reason I have so many highs and lows. It’s because my entire life I had to be competitive in all my industry’s. Pro basketball, car sales, insurance sales, professional speaking and network marketing. The bench mark for success just keeps getting higher and higher. So I question my abilities.
Having low self-esteem can certainly result from a number of the threats to your emotional health that we’ve already seen. However, once your self-esteem starts to dip, it can become a self-perpetuating process. You start to question yourself and your worth, and pretty soon you are making those mistakes and missteps that you feared would happen. With low self-esteem, you’re more vulnerable to other people’s critical comments (real or imagined), you feel responsible for the bad things in your life, you ruminate over your frailties, and will lack the self-efficacy that you need to succeed. When it comes to building your self-esteem. These include having compassion for yourself (and those frailties) and taking a mental catalog of your strengths. You can also allow yourself to hear compliments for the well-intentioned comments they are generally meant to be rather than questioning their sincerity. Finally, build up your mental reserves by practicing mindfulness, exercising your willpower “muscles,” and accepting the fact that occasional lapses and failures interfere with your best-intentioned efforts. Rather than becoming mired in emotional self-doubts, worry, and sadness, you can take actions that will help you see the world, and yourself, in a more positive light. When these actions don’t work, then it may be time to consult a mental health professional, find a support group, talk to your pastor or spiritual counsel.
As a Motivational Speaker I just don’t want you to feel good. I want you to be good and do good for yourself and the community that you thrive in.
For more Motivational and Activational content or bookings contact me or follow my blogs and social media platforms. Or email…info@ericbaileyglobal.